Little Zachary was doing very badly in math.
His parents had tried everything.. Tutors, mentors, flash cards, special
learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his
math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him
in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came
home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his
mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and
papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at
work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.

To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room
without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as
before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother
tried to understand what m ade all the difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it
on the table, went up to his room and hit the books.. With great
trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little
Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.
She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"
Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.
"Well, then," she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the
structure, the uniforms? "WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?"

Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school
when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling
around."

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and
tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy
little
nose.

"Oh please excuse me," said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over
you,
but I'm blind and can't see."

"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was
my
fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't
see
you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"

"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've
never
seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out."

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're
soft,
and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little
fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny
rabbit!"

The bunny said, "I can't thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of
animal are you?"

The snake replied that he didn't know either, and the bunny agreed
to
examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked,
"Well,
what kind of an animal am I?"

The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're cold,
you're slippery, and you haven't got any balls...You must be a
POLITICIAN

Bubba goes to the tent revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over. Bubba slowly rises from his chair and gets in line.

When it's his turn the preacher says, "Bubba, what you want me to pray about?"
Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

So the preacher puts his right finger in Bubba's right ear and his left hand on top of his head and prays a while. Then the preacher puts his left finger in Bubba's left ear and his right hand on top of his head and prays some more.
After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands and says, "Bubba, how's your hearing now?"

Bubba says, "I don't know preacher, it's not until next Wednesday."

A straight man walks into a bar. Two steps in he realizes it's a gay bar. "What the heck?!?!" he says to himself, "Ah well...I really want a drink."

He walks over to the bar and sits down. The gay waiter approaches him and says to the man, "What's the name of your willy?"

The man says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."

The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan,'Just Do It.' that guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because 'It really Satisfies.' "

The man looked dumbfounded, so the bartender says he will give him a few seconds to think it over.

The guy asks the gay man sitting to his left, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?" The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."

The puzzled man asks, "Why Timex?"

The fella proudly applies,"Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!'"

A little shaken, the straight man turns to the two fella's on his right. both men were sharing a fruity Margarita together. the man asks, "So, what do you guys call yours?"

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because Quality is Job One." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"

The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY....'Like a Rock!' with a wink!

After asking around, the man has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "Okay, The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer."

The bartender begins to pour the man a beer, but with a puzzled look. He asks,"Why Secret?"

The straight man says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!"

The wife got a
terrible headache and told her husband to go to
the party alone. He, being a
devoted husband,
protested, but she argued and said she was going to

take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no
need for his good time
to be spoiled by her not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The
wife,
after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke
without pain and as
it was still early, decided to go to the
party. As her husband didn't know
what her costume was, she
thought she would have some fun by watching her

husband to see how he acted when she was not with
him. So she joined the
party and soon spotted her husband
in his costume, cavorting around on the
dance floor,
dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping
a
little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being
a rather seductive
babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry

and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he Wished, naturally,
since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally he whispered a little
proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars
and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at
midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into
bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous
behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she
asked what
kind of time he had.
"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a

good time when you're not there." Then she asked,"Did you
dance much?"
He replied, I'll tell you, I never even
danced one dance. When I got there,
I met Pete, Bill Brown
and some other guys,so we went into the spare room

and played poker all evening." You must have looked really Silly wearing
that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which
the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he
had the time of his life.