this is my dog Kuma. he has been with me and my family for a long time. he has been hit, poisoned, and lost in the woods, but he manages to stick around. he is the strongest dog ever. I have no idea how old he is in dog years.

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year old son
playing with his new train in the living room. She heard the train stop
and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the
hell off now...because this is the last stop!"

"And all of you sons of bitches, who are getting on, get your asses on
the train...because we're going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind
of language in this house. Now I want you to go to
your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out,
you may play with your train...but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing
with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother
heard her son say... "All passengers please remember your things,
thank you and we hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride
with us again soon."

She heard her little darling continue... "For those of you just
boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will
have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother
began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed
off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "To the kitchen."

She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

He replies, "Sure."

She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

He says, "No, I can remember that."

She then says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that."

He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."

I hit a dog two days ago, and I feel bad because it was my mom's dog. He wasn't like any other dog. he had a cow shaped body and a big head. I called him cow dog, but his real name is Clifford. My mom and I burried him close to the mountains. I miss him... I love you clifford and I am really sorry

A guy asks a beautifal lady, "can I buy you a drink"?
she replies, "no its bad for my legs".
he asks "oh, do they swell"?
she says, "no they spread".